I’ve been on steroids for about a year now. I don’t have a good track record with steroids. In fact, when I was a kid, I got psychosis from a pack of prednisone and wound up crying about Easy Mac and being attacked by Geese for several hours. Another time, in high school, I was given prednisone for some kind of something, and I wound up falling sideways out of my seat in the middle of class. I lay on the floor for several minutes in dazed stupor.
Knowing all this, you probably wonder why I’m on steroids at all. When my cardiologist suggested a steroid to help me retain sodium, I looked at him like he had grown three heads. He knew my track record. He knew the nightmares I get. He knew how freaking hungry steroids have made me. However, after trying almost everything and still fainting several times a day, I finally agreed to add florinef into my daily regimen- not once, but TWICE daily.
The first few weeks were rough. There was a lot of crying, a little bit of paranoia, and plenty of times I got so hungry for carbs that I seriously considered glutening myself. Don’t judge; I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time.
As I said at the beginning of the post, it’s been a year now. My face is pudgier than ever, a fact I have turned to makeup to hide. (Hence all the makeup reviews you guys get! So yay for you!) My stomach is a little round, as are my legs, where I’m retaining water and salt to keep from passing out.
But I feel better. I pass out less. I can actually go outside, and I can actually stand up without my heart rate spiking over 200. All in all, I’m glad I made the decision to stay on steroids.
Except for nights like tonight, when my steroids convinced me that a ten p.m. milkshake run was a good idea. And that I needed more than one milkshake. I needed a lot of milkshakes. I needed them fast.
I know that there will be nights like tonight, when the temptation to dig into some carby, cheesey food will be great. I know there will be nights when the only thing I can do to keep myself from going stir-crazy is to drive to the nearest all night diner and order as many milkshakes as my stomach will hold. But that’s okay.
It’s a small price to pay for standing.